Welcome to the 2012 season.
If you don’t know me by now you are either a newby (so you are forgiven) or you have lived under a rock (Josh).
I was your number one in your first year at Collingtree and have penned ‘alternative’ match reports since then. I have retired at least twice (like some of you lot should) but not too worry I’m back and will report how it is.
I maybe 110 years but my eyes are sharp and my reports sharper.
To remind everyone the usual terms and conditions apply, namely
- No court cases for slander
- No bottom lips if you get slaughtered
- If you can’t take it don’t dish it out and if you can’t take it don’t tell me as you could end up my whipping boy
- Dot’s word is final
I’ll start with a gentle report as I know you have had a tough winter, losing your 2nd team and more importantly having to put up with Peterson saying how many runs he’s going to score this season. More on that beauty later.
Week 3 and match 1 (or pre season as most of you have called it) 2 weeks of rubbish weather means a late start to the season away to our chums at Bodicote, a lovely ground… just over the hedge but really a lovely wicket and outfield in good order, far better than our pudding.
Lee had some kind of feeble excuse and ducked out of this one which meant Private Peterson (PP) was at the helm. I see you have a new recruit (Phil Monkman). A welcome addition to the ranks of the geriatric and infirm for GP.
PP had no hesitation in fielding first (knowing any target set would be knocked off as he promised a glut of runs at the ground of his finest GP knock 98 not out). No pressure but he chucked the cherry to Phil Monkeynuts and Tin Tin. The former strangling Lynes for 3, caught smartly from Roberts junior behind point, 2 for 1, hello then here we go. Perhaps not, whilst Josh ad Phil kept things tight all the hard work was undone by some filth later on, Everitt bowled 7 over’s for 42 (including 4 6’s).
Half way and 88 for 1 and 200 plus was on the cards, but fear not we had faith in PP knocking them off on his own.
To be fair Miller and Allen batted solidly, anything remotely resembling ‘buffet’ got punished. Both past their 50’s with ease but GP tightened things up, in no short measure to Ash taking a couple and Phil Moneybag’s taking a well deserved 4 for 29 at the death when Bodicote were shooting from the hip.
We finished with 10 fit bods as Rop P bust a fetlock while bowling off his long run in his 2nd over. So credit where its due only 18 runs were scored off the last 5 over’s, Tin Tin in particular was unlucky not to lose his cherry, bowling tight without any luck.
On the plus side we didn’t drop any and the out fielding wasn’t too shoddy. 187 for 7 at the close.
Tea was taken safe in the fact that the captain for day was going to take the innings by the short and curlies and see GP to a famous opening day win. Well that’s the theory, here are the facts
Young Craig and Evo opened the batting and whilst we didn’t lose a wicket until the 7th over we only had 11 on the board! Craig was plum LB and Ev missing a straight one. “Where’s PP” I hear you ask, anyway he shoved Phil in (8) and then Josh (3) and the hobbling Rob (14). Struggling at 33 for 4 ‘cometh the hour cometh the man’ PP strode in ….and strode out again next ball. Bowled all end up for a first ball duck egg. Oh dear, he took it on the chins though fair play.
Whilst Jake struck a couple of lovely cover drives to the boundary it didn’t really paper over the cracks as GP finished on 53 for 9, Steve Day came down with a last minute “foot rot” so couldn’t bat. Bodicote wining in fine style by 134 runs.
Anyhow not to worry there’s 15 games left and all to play for kids!!
Dots play of the game- Tim’s smart glove work behind the stumps
Dot’s ‘other’ play of the game- Think you can guess, PP smashing the cover …. off the chicken tikka massala