The red tops can write them so why not Dot. Souvenir pull out edition you might call it. I have felt inclined to write a little cheeky match report of the World Cup. Again Dot reminds all the squad and manager that…
1. No court cases for slander as there might be the odd unfounded allegation in here
2. No bottom lips if you get slaughtered
3. Dot’s word is final
Uncle Roy had a tough selection to make “do it take the kids for a nice holiday or do I take the old heads”. Well he flipped a coin and it landed on its side. The old timers included Lampard, Milner, Foster, and Johnson. You could say Peterson, Everitt, Roberts and Holmes. And the nippers Sterling, Barkley and Shaw, or read Ricky, Joshi and Shahid Junior.
Anyhoo you’ll notice the old timers didn’t have a minutes action, like ours should be I hear you cry.
Now Dot’s blood is starting to curdle so let’s get to it. We watched in hope we ended up hopeless. Another season of dodgy expectation. And the football wasn’t much better.
Italy, a bunch of simmer frame, greasy luddites against our whippets, no contest? Surely Shrek was going to turn it on, surely not another ‘what if’.
Ok losing to Italy is not the end of world; surely Uruguay doesn’t pose much of a threat with Suarez’s leg hanging off? Mmm, with a lovely assist from his club team mate another defeat. I’m sure the cheques in the post and the tab at Spearmint Rhino in Liverpool has been paid off.
Ok losing to Italy and Uruguay is pretty bad but surely Italy will do us a favour and beat Costa Rica but give us a glimmer of a chance to get through the back door, oh er.
But no, we got them out the shit in many a ding dong, they rolled over as easy as they did in the War, OK Michael Caine nicked their gold in Turin but come on, Throwing in the towel against these World beaters needs the fixers to go and make some enquires.
So this 40 over a side finished inside 20 overs. All home before tea and don’t know what do for the rest of the evening.
You say Uncle Roy, aka Ash tried the please everyone. Playing the kids and some of the old farts but you could see the young uns looking at each other thinking “Jeez skip, these are as old as my dad”
As you can see there are a lot of similarities between cricket and footy. All start with eager anticipation. Can’t wait for the first game then by 5.30 on the first day you are thinking “Christ this is going to be long season, best book a holiday or two to get out of a few weeks”
So there you go, another four years to look forward to, Dot might be dead by then as will some of the old farts in the footy squad. Mystic Dot has got her ball out (Hitler style) and is predicting the future.
2018 World Cup. Rooney will be on the beach bloated from kebabs and hookers after his misses has walked out. Gerrard will be boring the life out of us on the BBC sofa talking about his assist to his ‘bro’ Suarez and Lampard will still be trying to get a game and saying he’s still fit enough to earn a squad place.
Dot’s play of the ‘England’ games- Sorry but I’m struggling with that one but……
Dot’s ‘other’ play of the game- Got four here chaps.
1- Our physio, tripping over a water bottle and breaking his leg celebrating a goal, classic.
2- *Rooney getting caught with a granny in one of the Rio Favela’s
3- Gerrard’s lovely assist to knock us out the cup and
4- Watching Gus Poyet after the Uruguay match trying not to jump up and down when the other pundits were nearly in tears.
Dot’s did you know…-*made number 2 up but you wouldn’t be surprised would ya.
More in 4 years? D